Condolence Meaning: Definition and Examples
There are few words in English that people need urgently and use rarely, and condolence is one of them. Nobody practises it. Then someone dies, and suddenly you need to write a card, send a message, or speak at a funeral — and the word is there, formal and slightly unfamiliar, carrying a weight that ordinary words like sorry cannot carry. Getting it right matters, not because anyone will grade your grammar at a funeral, but because the word is a small act of care, and care shows in the details.
Condolence is a formal noun, and almost everything people get wrong about it follows from that single fact: it is almost always plural, it is reserved for death rather than for any sadness, and it pairs with a small set of verbs that sound stiff anywhere else. This article explains the meaning, the pronunciation in British and American English, the difference between condolence and condolences, the phrases that go with it, and the mistakes to avoid when the moment comes.
What Does “Condolence” Mean? The Dictionary Definitions
| Dictionary | Definition of condolence |
|---|---|
| Cambridge Dictionary | Noun [C usually plural, U], formal. UK /kənˈdəʊ.ləns/, US /kənˈdoʊ.ləns/: “sympathy and sadness for the family or close friends of a person who has recently died, or an expression of this, especially in written form.” Example: “a letter of condolence.” Synonym: commiseration. |
| Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries | Noun [countable, usually plural, uncountable]: “sympathy that you feel for somebody when a person in their family or that they know well has died; an expression of this sympathy.” Collocations: to give, offer, or express your condolences; “Our condolences go to his wife and family”; “a letter of condolence.” |
| Collins English Dictionary | Noun: an expression of sympathy with another person in sorrow or grief, especially on the death of a relative or friend. Most often used in the plural, condolences. |
Every dictionary agrees on three points, and they are the whole meaning of the word. First, it is about death — specifically, sympathy for the family and close friends of someone who has died. Second, it is both a feeling and an expression of that feeling: you can feel condolence, and you can offer it. Third, it is usually plural. The singular exists, but the word lives in its plural form, and that is where most of the usage guidance in this article comes from.
“Condolence” or “Condolences”? The Plural Question
This is the question that causes the most hesitation, and the answer is straightforward once you see the pattern. The plural condolences is the normal, default form for the expression of sympathy:
- “Please accept my condolences.”
- “We offer our sincere condolences to the family.”
- “Our condolences go to his wife and children.”
- “She sent her condolences in a short note.”
Writing “my condolence” in the singular sounds wrong to a native speaker, in the same way that “my regards” sounds right and “my regard” sounds wrong. The plural here is a social convention, not a matter of counting: you are not offering several separate condolences, any more than you are offering several separate regards. The plural is simply the form the expression takes.
The singular condolence is correct in three places. First, as the name of the feeling itself, usually uncountable: “He spoke with genuine condolence.” Second, in compounds, where it modifies another noun: a condolence letter, a condolence card, a condolence message, a condolence book, a condolence visit. Third, in the phrase “a letter of condolence,” the set phrase the dictionaries quote. Everywhere else — above all in the sentence “Please accept my ___” — use the plural.
| Form | Use |
|---|---|
| condolences (plural) | The expression of sympathy: “Please accept my condolences.” “We send our condolences.” The default form. |
| condolence (singular, uncountable) | The feeling: “She expressed her condolence quietly.” Rare in everyday use. |
| condolence (in compounds) | Before another noun: condolence card, condolence letter, condolence message, condolence book. |
How to Pronounce “Condolence”: UK and US
- UK: /kənˈdəʊ.ləns/ — kun-DOH-lunss
- US: /kənˈdoʊ.ləns/ — kun-DOH-lunss
Three syllables, with the stress on the second: kun-DOH-lunss. The first syllable is a weak kun, the second is the long oh sound — DOH — and the third is a quick -lunss, rhyming with hence and dense. The only difference between British and American pronunciation is the quality of that middle vowel: British speakers use the diphthong /əʊ/ (as in go), American speakers /oʊ/ (as in go in American English). In practice, they sound almost identical.
Two pronunciation traps are worth avoiding. The first is stressing the first syllable — “CON-dolence” — which is never correct. The second is pronouncing the final -ence as -ense with a long e; it is a short, unstressed -lunss. The related verb, condole (“to express sympathy”), is pronounced /kənˈdəʊl/ — kun-DOHL — with the same stress pattern.
Where “Condolence” Comes From
Condolence entered English in the early seventeenth century, from the verb condole, which came through French condoléance from Christian Latin condolere — con- (“with, together”) plus dolere (“to grieve, to suffer pain”). The literal meaning is “to suffer together with someone,” and that is exactly what the word still describes: not feeling sorry for someone from a distance, but grieving with them.
The history has two details worth knowing. The first is that the earliest sense, recorded around 1600, was the feeling itself — “sympathetic grief, sorrowing with another” — and the sense of an expression of sympathy followed in the 1610s. The word moved from the inside out: first the grief, then the words that carry it. The second is the spelling: from 1600 to 1800, the word was often written condoleance, with an a. That spelling is now obsolete; the modern form, condolence, has been standard for two centuries.
The Latin root dolere also gives us doleful (sorrowful, mournful) and indolent (originally “feeling no pain,” now “lazy”). The family is small, but it is consistent: every member has something to do with pain, grief, or its absence.
The Phrases That Go With “Condolence”
Condolence is a formal word, and it travels with formal verbs and adjectives. These are the combinations native speakers actually use:
- Verbs: offer your condolences, express your condolences, extend your condolences, send your condolences, accept condolences, convey your condolences. “Offer” and “express” are the commonest; “extend” is the most formal.
- Adjectives: sincere condolences, heartfelt condolences, deepest condolences, warmest condolences. “Deepest condolences” is the standard phrase in formal messages; “heartfelt” is the warmest of the four.
- Set phrases: “Please accept my condolences.” “Our condolences go to the family.” “A letter of condolence.” “A book of condolence” — the book, kept at a funeral or in a public place, in which mourners write messages of sympathy.
Notice the prepositions. You offer condolences to a person (“my condolences to the family”), and you offer them on a loss (“my condolences on the death of your father”). Mixing these up — “condolences for the family” — is understandable but not idiomatic.
How to Use “Condolence” in a Sentence
- “Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your mother.”
- “We would like to express our condolences to the family at this difficult time.”
- “Hundreds of people signed the book of condolence at the town hall.”
- “She sent a condolence card with a short handwritten note.”
- “The president conveyed his condolences to the families of the victims.”
- “His letter of condolence was brief, and all the better for it.”
Condolence vs Sympathy: When Not to Use It
The commonest misuse of condolence is using it for any sad occasion. It is not a general word for sympathy. It is specifically for death. If a friend loses a job, fails an exam, or goes through a divorce, you offer them your sympathy, your support, or your best wishes — not your condolences. Offering condolences for a redundancy would sound odd at best and alarming at worst, because the word carries the implication that someone has died.
| Situation | Right word |
|---|---|
| Someone has died | Condolences — “Please accept my condolences.” |
| Someone is ill | Sympathy / best wishes — “I’m so sorry to hear you’re unwell.” |
| Someone lost a job | Sympathy / support — “I’m sorry to hear about the job.” |
| Someone failed an exam | Sympathy / encouragement — “I’m sorry it didn’t go well.” |
| Someone is going through a divorce | Sympathy / support — “I’m here if you need anything.” |
The distinction is a matter of register as much as meaning. Sympathy is the general word; condolence is the formal, specific one. A condolence message is almost always written rather than spoken — a card, a letter, a message — and it is usually short. The dictionaries themselves note this: Cambridge defines the word as an expression of sympathy “especially in written form.”
Common Mistakes
Writing “my condolence” instead of “my condolences.” The plural is the standard form for the expression. The singular is correct only for the feeling itself or in compounds like condolence card.
Using it for non-death situations. Condolence is for bereavement. For other losses and troubles, use sympathy.
Spelling it “condolance.” That spelling is obsolete, last current around 1800. The modern spelling is condolence, with an e.
Overdoing the formality. “Please accept my deepest and most heartfelt condolences” piles two intensifiers onto a phrase that is already formal. One adjective is enough: “my deepest condolences” or “my heartfelt condolences.” Simplicity reads as sincerity; excess reads as a template.
Stressing the first syllable. It is kun-DOH-lunss, never “CON-dolence.”
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the meaning of condolence?
Condolence is sympathy for the family or close friends of a person who has recently died, or an expression of that sympathy — especially in written form, such as a card or letter.
Is it “condolence” or “condolences”?
Use the plural, condolences, when you are expressing sympathy: “Please accept my condolences.” The singular is used for the feeling itself or in compounds such as condolence card and letter of condolence.
What is the difference between condolence and sympathy?
Sympathy is the general word for sharing someone’s sadness. Condolence is the formal, specific word for sympathy on the occasion of a death. Use sympathy for illness, job loss, or other troubles; use condolences only for bereavement.
How do you pronounce condolence?
Kun-DOH-lunss — UK /kənˈdəʊ.ləns/, US /kənˈdoʊ.ləns/. Three syllables, stress on the second.
What does “please accept my condolences” mean?
It is the standard formal way of saying “I am sorry for your loss, and I share your grief.” It is used in cards, letters, and messages to the family of someone who has died.
What is a book of condolence?
A book kept at a funeral, a church, or a public building in which mourners write short messages of sympathy for the family of the person who has died.
The Short Version
Condolence is formal sympathy for the bereaved — the feeling of grieving with someone, and the words that express it. Use the plural (my condolences), reserve it for death, and keep it simple: one adjective, one sentence, and the person’s name. The word comes from Latin condolere, “to suffer together,” and that is still the best definition of what it asks you to do.
